jedi was online, cant really understand why after chatted with him, my heart feels like it's falling pieces by pieces again. i cant sleep well yesterday, keep on crying without no perticular reasons. i feel there's something in me that feels unsecure, and threatened. there's some space in my heart that's still wounded, and it still asks for loads of tears coming out every night. i want jedi to know what it feels to be me every night. want him to soothe me just like the way he always do. i want him to care for me with a never changing love and affection. i want to listen he says that i mean so much to him. that i am something and someone for him.

but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through

i keep on telling myself how tough i am, when the reality puts me in despair every day. how can this possible be? been in pain for too long, cant really tell whether i'll still be able to love again, or not. it's too damn hard!!!!